Everyone has spent time anticipating an upcoming event. Whether
it is a wonderful trip to Hawaii, final grades for a graduate class, or
something disastrous like a breakup, divorce, or death much human
emotion is drained away in the expectation of what might or will happen.
I am wondering, is the anticipation more exhausting than the actual
event or does the eagerness of hope or longing transform into mountains
of energy when the event arrives. I suppose, the ebb and flow, the lows
and highs all depend on the individuals involved and the situation.
Many
employees fill innumerable hours yearning for days off. They work in a
less-than-admirable fashion as they dream of lounging on the beach, pina
colada in hand. Distraction from tasks leads to errors in output as
visions of relaxation abound. Finally the day comes when a job can be
left behind as you board a plane, papers in hand for days of warmth,
laughing, and good times. The anticipation of this tremendous event
dissipates as reality sets in. One family member sneezes during the
entire seven hour flight; the baby fusses; Grandma groans; Great Uncle
Pat is passed out snoring, whiskey glass in hand. Susie wants to be home
with friends and Billy is missing his favorite baseball team. A glance
at your spouse/significant other reveals a smile along with a slightly
furrowed brow as s/he gazes at the conglomeration of family and
whispers, "Why didn't we go alone?" A year of nervous planning and
thrill disintegrate as each mile wings by.
And then there are
grades. You have studied hard, attended class every day, worried and
fretted but learned so much. The professor is renowned for toughness and
fairness and you have had the benefit of both. Hours of concentration,
notes, and rereading have filled your brain with knowledge galore.
Ready! Set! Test! As you open the examination and read the first
question, you wonder if this test actually is for the class you have
taken, the books you have read. Yep, as you glance around the room,
these are your classmates; that is the prof. But the test! Oh, no, it
might as well be written in hieroglyphics! You bravely read on, checking
each question, scratching your head to dig out a response. Finally,
there it is - the question for which you have an abundance of knowledge
and understanding. As you begin your response the floodgates open as
words pour across page after page. Suddenly the dinger dongs and your
two hours have vanished. You smile as you turn in the final exam with
the wisdom within that assures you have done well. The anticipation was
worth it as study has paid off and sweat and toil have produced
magnanimous results.
Finally, there is the breakup. Although the
first few months of the relationship were quite fantastic, the
excitement of the later months waned. You had much in common as you
visited restaurants that both enjoyed, viewed films that both loved, and
took strolls that both relished, and then something snapped. An angry
word here led to a fight there. A misunderstanding there commanded an
argument here. She stalked you; you ran and hid. You called her; she
refused to answer. You both recognized the impending failure of the
relationship as you anticipated the end. There was no joy to look
forward to, no expectancy of long-term commitment. Anticipation roiled
as tempers flared but neither could accept the end as hope disappeared
that maybe the happiness of the past might return.
But it didn't
and it won't because sometimes things are not meant to be - or they are
meant to be over. The last call, the sorrowful farewell, the good luck
wishes steered you both to the end just as each separated you from one
another. The anticipation and anguish guiding toward the termination
exhausted you, but the culmination, after a deep breath, actually
brought peace and rebirth. Life does go on and calmness and harmony do
recur. Anticipation for the next relationship may be a distant flicker
but the soul does heal and the future can shine bright. Anticipation is a
mighty friend and foe.