When an issue or problem in your relationship arises, do you forgive
your partner/spouse when it is all said and done? Or, do you allow words
of discourse, pride, and negative attitudes rule your relationship?
Couples sometimes find it difficult to forgive each other in the heat of
the moment, as well as after the blowup. The out-of-control arguments
prevent couples from seeing the big picture and the possibilities for
their relationship to progress. For many couples, forgiving their
partner/spouse is a challenge because it happens after negative words
and behaviors have occurred. Emotions are still raw and distance makes
reconnecting harder.
Once you both calm down, it is time to reconnect
and forgive each other in order to move forward. Therefore, your
discussion should include an apology. It doesn't matter who apologizes
first when there is a problem or misunderstanding as long as there is
forgiveness that follows. The key is to recognize that bad behaviors
need to change for the sake of you and your partner/spouse; and, that
the happiness and success of your relationship depends on your progress
together. Here are five key reasons why you and your partner/spouse
should practice forgiveness.
First, forgiveness can be a
preventative measure against future damage. An attitude of forgiveness
may not prevent bitterness, anger, hostility, and disrespectful
arguments from taking place in your relationship. However, an attitude
of forgiveness can make an individual conscientious of his/her negative
actions and he/she may be less likely to behave in a negative way over
time. It is a process of reinforcing positive behavior to stop bad
behaviors. Therefore, the attitude of forgiveness can protect your
relationship from destructive behaviors that cause contention and strife
with your partner/spouse.
Second, forgiveness is liberating to
you and your partner/spouse. Mathew 18:21-22 (ESV) states, "21 Then
Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin
against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?' 22 Jesus said to
him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times'... "
According to the Scriptures, we are to forgive every time. Forgiving is
an act of humility and a sign of commitment to your partner/spouse.
However, it is not a license to condone or practice bad behavior. At
some point and time, maturity should help you manage your behavior more
effectively.
Third, forgiving is a freeing process. Deep seeded
resentment is toxic to you and your partner/spouse. Therefore, there is
nothing positive about unforgiveness. Unforgiveness holds an individual
hostage to bad behavior and torments everyone who embraces it. Releasing
your partner/spouse is a liberating process for you because it creates
internal peace and it is reminder to your partner/spouse that his/her
wrongs will be forgotten in order to move forward.
Fourth,
forgiveness can be an important part of the healing process when damage
has been done in a relationship. The Scriptures provides the healing
process, which is to pray for and bless those who treat you harshly.
Romans 12:14-16 states, "14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do
not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who
weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another." There will be times when
your hurt may be greater than your ability to forgive. However, I
believe that faith in God's Word can help you to move past the issue.
The choice to forgive is yours. It is important that you and your
partner/spouse understand the spiritual significance of forgiveness
based on biblical principles. Those principles never change and can be
referred to daily for strength and encouragement. Addressing the
spiritual component of your relationship will help you and your
partner/spouse obtain balance.
Fifth, use tools to assist you -
The Holy Bible App - The Holy Bible App is a great resource tool that
can be accessed any time on a cell phone once the App is downloaded. The
App also has a number of short lesson plans for couples, as well as
individual. The App addresses topics for couples, such as commitment,
conflict, romance, infidelity, finances, family, and prayer. The plans
take about 10 to 15 minutes a day. The App has daily verses that can be
shared via texting, Facebook, Twitter, Path and email. Some of the
mini-plans for couples include "Forgiveness," "Healthy Conflict in
Marriage," "Marriage: A Lifelong Journey," and more. The plans are
written by Christian experts that believe in the application of biblical
principles for spiritual support. Therefore, you and your
partner/spouse can choose plans that best suit your needs.
Here are some final thoughts on how forgiveness can work in your relationship. Forgiveness:
a)
is a way to successfully manage your relationship together through
healthy communications, respect, kindness, encouragement and support.
b) is meant to encourage you and your partner/spouse to change for the better.
c) allows you and your to move forward and not dwell on the problem anymore.
d) is a powerful attitude that promotes healthy behaviors in a relationship.
Use
resources and tools, such as the Holy Bible App for study plans related
to your needs. Practice forgiveness and watch your relationship change
for the better.
